Blog showing my work. Thank you very much .
Blog showing my work. Thank you very much .
Hallo Welters !!!!!!
Today I decided to start to paint. But I prepared this piece of canvasses three days ago ( or two?) , I didn’t feel mentally and emotionally prepared to sit and take the brush.
I still don’t.
But the work was very nice and calm. I spent the day singing and relaxing watching my aquarium which is prettier than ever, prettier, wilder, full of life as has never been before. Oh, I love my aquarium.
It has been three months since I finished my last painting. I wasn’t feeling remorse for do not paint at all. I was very fine with that. But I felt it was about time to start to work.
I didn’t have any intention to overcome myself and try to go beyond I had gone lately. I only wanted to hold the brush , feel the weight of the paint ( tons , it weights like many tons sometimes ) and do a work which could make me feel like home again.
Mission accomplished !
These last three months I just enjoyed my new bike and I have practiced hard to travel long distances on it. I spent all the money I had in accessories and stuff like that and I quit my job as a teacher ( I liked that job but it was time to move on).
So I basically only ride my bike and take care of my aquarium, dogs, and domestic things, post silly pretty images on pinterest and check emails when I get a free time. Why not to add one more activity, the main one? Painting. The one which really makes my life have a real meaning.
About this paint in particular… it is just a self portrait, a very happy one.
Let’s see what I am going to paint this year, I have no idea and no plans.
I love so much to do not have any commitment with any kind of professional activity about art. I can only do what I want, if I want, when I want, the way I want and tell the rest of the world to go back to where it came from: hell.
I am really not in the mood now to write about all the very detailed stuff about art in general things and my work that has passed by my mind all this time I was not painting. My head didn’t stop… but I decided to restart the painting from the point I had stopped.
I am more in the mood to talk about everything related to cyclism and planted aquarium. And what about you?
It is unbearably hot here. Not kidding, I have to take shower and change clothes at least 3 or 4 times a day.
I have painted this since yesterday… well, yesterday I painted for one or two hours, I don’t remember right now… today I painted for five hours.
The biggest challenge to me on this work was to do not allow it become too illustrative, I didn’t want a painting that passed an idea of anything specific. It has to be the painting by itself just letting the expression comes up.
It is hard when you do figurative painting, based on observation. How to do not fall into illustration, or cheap dumb realism, or tack surrealism, or a stylized mannerism? Or even the stereotyped solutions we see everyday on internet and art fairs?
I wanted to work the same face by the same angle using different scales. The biggest risk wasn’t to make it happen but was to fall into a “cool idea”, an illustrative crap that any teenager or socialite would enjoy.
I made all the mistakes I haven’t done for ages. I am annoyed, angry, this heat wave melted my humor, all around me was sticky , paint getting dry too fast, I think I am smelling, stinking…. oh… all the reasons to stop and don’t go forward .
But, as I say. The world and its conditions will always be weaker than me. I did it anyway. I am not going to allow weather tells me what or how to do. If I didn’t stop to paint when I was extremely poor and didn’t have money for food or even water, if I didn’t stop to paint when nobody believed or liked my work, if I didn’t stop for any reason…. it isn’t a creep weather that will make me give up.
wow, I am still sweating a fountain here. Must to take a shower now and prepare to go to my job.
Yesterday I prepared the canvasses to start to work this morning.
I don’t know what it is happening with my internal watch, but I know I like this mess…. I woke up at 4:00 am and realized that wouldn’t sleep anymore. I am worried with nothing, not stressed, I am only affected by the heat. It has been really hot here.
One good thing is the fact I started to work out at 4:30 and only stopped at 6:00 to take a shower. At 6:30 I was already painting.
It is a good trick for me. I am too anxious to finish a painting, it isn’t a huge pleasure in my life, makes get tense and not comfortable at all…. but after to work out and a nice hot shower the muscles literally melt in exhaustion when I sit to paint. I don’t feel like to lift one finger and it helps me to only focus on the painting as I don’t want to do anything else or go to anywhere.
I put all my body over itself in front of the canvasses and only my eyes work… and my hand.
Almost all the anxiety leaves my mind, I am so exhausted that I don’t care for nothing. It becomes a more spiritual activity, the body and its chemistry isn’t among eyes , feelings, targets, and the painting itself.
This isn’t the very first time I use this trick and I intend to do it many other times.
The problem is that I like to paint early in the morning, the light is prettier and more crystal, the air is fresher and the street is more silent. It is hard to find a way to wake up very early every day, do heavy physical exercises and than start to paint.
Before to start to work I went to studio and saw the canvasses prepared and all the plans I had for it. Fine. In the shower I realized that my initial idea wouldn’t work very well… as a matter of fact would, but there is a painting I did something like 4 or 5 months ago and this new one would look too much like that one.
So I went to the studio with no idea of what I would paint or how.
It was good, allowed me to improvise and find the work’s own nature and reason to exist.
Landscapes are , sadly , only a psychological phenomenon in my life.
To live in landscapes, experiment then , go to then , I must to develop it in my mind and deal with myself, wills, dreams, ideals and frustrations.
Landscapes are escapes, but not lands for me.
I’ve already told how obsessed I am with the Deer Hunting Season that is gone ( no I don’t hunt and don’t intend to ) and the deer dead on the roads. No moral issues, political or specific feeling about it. It is only a wave of life and flesh breathing in my chest. As a matter of fact I think dead deer and human life, not only obviously closely related but similar in its ritual in many aspects, including the ways death happens, almost identical.
How can anything so far away from every single detail of my personal reality affects me so much and makes me wonder in peace and fascination?
This painting …. ts ts ts… the central figure of it was supposed to be done something like 3 months ago…. and it wasn’t, but the canvasses and the initial idea got hanged in my studio all this time. I avoided it with no remorse. But you know, if a painting demands to be done, or you make it happen or won’t be feeling complete, always feeling something is lacking in your life.
Today as for a miracle I woke up at 5:30am and decided to finally start it.
I worked on it extremely hopeless, every brush stroke that didn’t work I had a “whatever attitude” and really didn’t care. When a painter starts to say whatever to its own work, it is serious…. or he is really exhausted of what is doing, or reached a high level of spiritual illumination and doesn’t even need to paint anymore… you know me very well… I am highly illuminated as fuck.
My surprise was when finished, I walked few steps back to see it hanged… then walked by all the space staring at it…. wow, this is a good work, I can’t believe it. It got much better than I thought it would… it got much better than I intended… it was supposed to be a fast crappy made only to get rid of this annoying painting demanding to be dome for months…. and now I really like it.
well… this morning the day is beautiful out there and it makes no difference as I dislike outdoors here in the tropics. So I will prepare something to eat under the shade of the closed windows, keeping my pale skin with no shame ( people here, everybody, make fun of the color of my skin, it seems to be quite a sin to be pale in a country where the only rule for being well dressed is RIDICULOUS orange TANNED, hahahah!!!! ) .
At least I cut my hair again, and again I did it myself in my bathroom ( I use the same scissor I do to cut the canvasses of my works )… this time I lost control and cut it too short…. but all the women stop to say that loved it… can you believe? The other men pay money for other man touch their hair… disgusting, and don’t even get the attention I have gotten from the women out there for free. I am happy with this.
yes , a good painting, a good hair cut, even a good pale skin….. I am happy with everything today.
Because of an Engel von Norden I have been very fanatic about deer and their influence.
Venison has nothing to do with my practical daily life…. but is too close from my feelings and personal story anyway. I can’t see a real distance.
I wasn’t painting these last months… as you see on my earlier posts I put the blame on everything I could and it was all right and fair.
But the bigger truth is, as I commented before, my work wasn’t amazing me anymore. It wasn’t expressing my life or me as it should, I wasn’t feeling complete and achieved after to finish a painting. As I know for sure and experience the other medias are even more useless to make me feel fulfilled I decided to stop for a while and focus on other parts on my life, as relationships, making money, workout hard, buying new stuff, being an asshole with people, coocking, taking care of my pets……
But I got really great news last Thursday and I realized that what I had prayed for happened: I got rid of stupid people and now I have more time for me.
So for many days this friend of mine, Sandy, has told me many stories about deer, deer hunting season now, deer died by car crashes and lay down on the front lawn of the houses and roads…. I didn’t take it out of my mind.
This work is what I feel , I am happy about it. I really am. It is a good and faithful part of me. I think I got , I was able to reach something my last works couldn’t give me.
I must to focus on this now and do not allow it to escape, I know I can go deeper.
Hope you have enjoyed.
Ahhh.. yes, tell me , which one do you prefer? the picture on wooden board or on the wall?
I think this work in special doesn’t get very well over the wood because of the colors, But I am thinking about to take photos of my next works upon the wood.
Oh yes… it isn’t a Caio’s post if I don’t complain about the quality of the photo that frustrates me a lot.
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3631697 Now you can see the entire book for free. I don’t know till when it will be viable so check it out as fast as possible. Not the C R U & R A W ebook (iPad iBooks format. The published one.http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3631697 CRU & RAW by Caio Fern.
When asked this Sunday if I was producing or preparing something new, my answer could only be “no, I’ve done nothing, I haven’t gotten into the studio for two months”.
As a matter of fact I come to the studio everyday… the weather is getting hotter and it is fresh here inside where I drink my large mass full of ice cubes and red tea, green tea, white tea, organic grape juice, red green rose, and organic apple juice. When I am not here I am in the kitchen inventing new recipes of my typical Welter culinary. One day I will name all the new dishes I have created and post the recipes here on my blogs, maybe even produce a very affected and pretty culinary book with nice colorful and shine photos. I would love it. Hope you like sauerkraut, apples, mustards and spinach ….almost all I cook has these ingredients . hahaha.
I am in the best phase, it happens from times to times. I go to the studio and don’t even remember that exists art on this planet. I just don’t care, I make plans about totally different things. I dream with new projects and new destinies for my life. I think it is the way I renew myself.
Well.. I am changing everything, not just culinary but clothes, I changed all my closet for new pieces, I am pretty fancy now, I must to say, hahaha, I changed my documents , yes , I renewed all the documents that matter, including the most important one, the passport.
I changed clients, I changed my posture towards people. And other uncountable things.
My experience of over one decade painting and producing other art stuff tells me my work soon or latter will follow it, I just don’t know how. The fact is, like you or not, my work follows my life and not the other way around.
I remember exactly 10 years ago, 2002, I was very upset with my work, it got complex, sophisticated in many ways, and really looked something you could put in an art gallery. It was… oh… even today I am disgusted to say this….. it was becoming professional.
So after December I stopped to paint and spent one year or so not doing anything. This was when this Mein Welt stuff was born, it had been cooked in my mind for my entire life but it had never taken form or not even become totally conscious of itself or nature.
But when I started back to paint the only things I wanted to do were pieces that looked very amateur and homemade handcraft with motives little girls, flowers, dogs. Anything you would never see in an art gallery or an art critic talking about. Anything that looked conventional, but so conventional that would be disturbing for everyone. You can read more about that period here : http://www.blurb.com/books/1419178
Today I haven’t very different intentions but it is directed towards different targets. My life has changed these past 10 years and it demands searches that weren’t expected by me in a not so long time ago.
The true is that some ideas and ways have pumped in my head but I don’t know how to start. Painting is demanding things I didn’t realize yet. I don’t know if when I start to paint again it will be different of what I was doing few weeks ago before this pause because the intentions of my chest have not appeared to my eyes yet. So I believe the changes that are demanded to happen will come up only after hard work and slow developing, and not like ” oh, I have an idea about this concept and will make this happen”.
No real Ideas and any concept here, thank God for this. At least all my gestures, happening or not, are sincere and emotional, not cerebral, conceptual and liars.
But there is another reason for the fact I haven’t produced. As I said before, I am really not caring about art at all. And it is so good. From times to times, a life with no art ( or, our formal idea of it ) sounds and tastes like freedom to me. It is like all that weight is gone and I can just live because I don’t need it. Anything any person can tell me about art sounds so far away and irrelevant.
It is really good when life becomes bigger and more important than art, it is like having all the values on the right place.
So why would I hurry up to have all that anxiety and all my attention towards that again?
Sure, if I am concerned about turn on my lap top and spend these valuable minutes about this… is because something inside me is telling to start to pay attention on it and maybe… maybe even to start to produce.
Part of me says : “Oh no… no no no, please. I don’t want this. I am still day dreaming about a lovely life somewhere far from here and the dreams are still so fresh. I am still looking for sites of German Shepherds, bucolic architecture and flirting with beautiful women of my everyday life. I am still hungry for new recipes of food and new tastes… I didn’t even develop the desserts yet. I am saving money for traveling and be a silly tourist at the other side of the world….. no… please. Don’t make me go back to that life of paint, canvasses and anxiety. I really, really want to live a little bit more”.
Other part says : ” I want that feeling of finishing a good work”. I want that feeling that says my place on the Earth has an specific meaning”.
So maybe… maybe, see you soon with paintings.
I am really not caring about art at this moment.
Well…. I can’t avoid this subject.
The fact is that , again, in my life , I am passing by a moment of very intense spiritual searches and achievement,.. most part of my activities are turned to it. While the world is talking about the new iphone, elections or some crap like that I am walking towards new levels of existence and this is what is really transforming my life. This is what is generating all the changes.
The truth is that since children we are taught that art has the power to transform. Well… I believe it is a very materialistic way to see life and the Human Being. To me art is effect, not a cause . It can faithfully express and influences people but doesn’t generate anything by itself. When civilization starts to believe art is the reason of things to be and art is the source of what you are and what your life has been, as it happens today, we have, well… this pathetic world of shallow aesthetical with poor meaning where cynic aesthetical is an excuse for itself made by sad pathetic people and collected in many different ways by a desperate, high vanity and low self esteem public.
I don’t want to be part of any of this process and believe system.
I have my issues with art and it has given me for many times what I needed at the moment. It has helped me to build myself and my way to be in this world. I am aware of it and even grateful for have had this in my life with so much intensity. As viewer and as producer.
But when you are digging inside yourself and into other dimensions of existence, when you are wondering about things with no name that are at the core of all experience and states of mind…. and then you look to art of all times…. as it happens to me, I say : “Is this it? So is this all art can reach? And what about the rest? The infinite eternal rest?” .
What only proves to me art is fantastic, is fierce and beautiful, but is an manifestation of this world, this matter, this limited and temporal reality. There is nothing wrong with it, it is fantastic, but is pretty disappointing when you have paid attention to characteristics of existence that have been so far and at the same time so intimate, much more than art can be.
I believe it helps to make a bit clear why I am not painting, not minding to art. But I am feeling that will start to paint soon.
don’t forget, if you want to see my paintings visit http://www.silentspots.blogspot.com.br/
I just found that photo on internet, it wasn’t taken by me. I only added because I wanted an image for this post,,,, but I haven’t produced any latelly.
But is it here now http://pinterest.com/caiofern/ on my Pinterest.