Blog showing my work. Thank you very much .
Blog showing my work. Thank you very much .
Hallo Welters !!!!!!
Today I decided to start to paint. But I prepared this piece of canvasses three days ago ( or two?) , I didn’t feel mentally and emotionally prepared to sit and take the brush.
I still don’t.
But the work was very nice and calm. I spent the day singing and relaxing watching my aquarium which is prettier than ever, prettier, wilder, full of life as has never been before. Oh, I love my aquarium.
It has been three months since I finished my last painting. I wasn’t feeling remorse for do not paint at all. I was very fine with that. But I felt it was about time to start to work.
I didn’t have any intention to overcome myself and try to go beyond I had gone lately. I only wanted to hold the brush , feel the weight of the paint ( tons , it weights like many tons sometimes ) and do a work which could make me feel like home again.
Mission accomplished !
These last three months I just enjoyed my new bike and I have practiced hard to travel long distances on it. I spent all the money I had in accessories and stuff like that and I quit my job as a teacher ( I liked that job but it was time to move on).
So I basically only ride my bike and take care of my aquarium, dogs, and domestic things, post silly pretty images on pinterest and check emails when I get a free time. Why not to add one more activity, the main one? Painting. The one which really makes my life have a real meaning.
About this paint in particular… it is just a self portrait, a very happy one.
Let’s see what I am going to paint this year, I have no idea and no plans.
I love so much to do not have any commitment with any kind of professional activity about art. I can only do what I want, if I want, when I want, the way I want and tell the rest of the world to go back to where it came from: hell.
I am really not in the mood now to write about all the very detailed stuff about art in general things and my work that has passed by my mind all this time I was not painting. My head didn’t stop… but I decided to restart the painting from the point I had stopped.
I am more in the mood to talk about everything related to cyclism and planted aquarium. And what about you?
I found this work from 1999.This was the year I started to paint. I remember that only made this to see if it was possible to paint without using white paint.
The white parts you see are from the paper, not paint. I used a photo- self portrait as model.
Caio Fern, 1999, acrylic on paper.
I am sorry you you prefer the way it was before.
Yesterday I prepared the canvasses to start to work this morning.
I don’t know what it is happening with my internal watch, but I know I like this mess…. I woke up at 4:00 am and realized that wouldn’t sleep anymore. I am worried with nothing, not stressed, I am only affected by the heat. It has been really hot here.
One good thing is the fact I started to work out at 4:30 and only stopped at 6:00 to take a shower. At 6:30 I was already painting.
It is a good trick for me. I am too anxious to finish a painting, it isn’t a huge pleasure in my life, makes get tense and not comfortable at all…. but after to work out and a nice hot shower the muscles literally melt in exhaustion when I sit to paint. I don’t feel like to lift one finger and it helps me to only focus on the painting as I don’t want to do anything else or go to anywhere.
I put all my body over itself in front of the canvasses and only my eyes work… and my hand.
Almost all the anxiety leaves my mind, I am so exhausted that I don’t care for nothing. It becomes a more spiritual activity, the body and its chemistry isn’t among eyes , feelings, targets, and the painting itself.
This isn’t the very first time I use this trick and I intend to do it many other times.
The problem is that I like to paint early in the morning, the light is prettier and more crystal, the air is fresher and the street is more silent. It is hard to find a way to wake up very early every day, do heavy physical exercises and than start to paint.
Before to start to work I went to studio and saw the canvasses prepared and all the plans I had for it. Fine. In the shower I realized that my initial idea wouldn’t work very well… as a matter of fact would, but there is a painting I did something like 4 or 5 months ago and this new one would look too much like that one.
So I went to the studio with no idea of what I would paint or how.
It was good, allowed me to improvise and find the work’s own nature and reason to exist.
Because of an Engel von Norden I have been very fanatic about deer and their influence.
Venison has nothing to do with my practical daily life…. but is too close from my feelings and personal story anyway. I can’t see a real distance.
I wasn’t painting these last months… as you see on my earlier posts I put the blame on everything I could and it was all right and fair.
But the bigger truth is, as I commented before, my work wasn’t amazing me anymore. It wasn’t expressing my life or me as it should, I wasn’t feeling complete and achieved after to finish a painting. As I know for sure and experience the other medias are even more useless to make me feel fulfilled I decided to stop for a while and focus on other parts on my life, as relationships, making money, workout hard, buying new stuff, being an asshole with people, coocking, taking care of my pets……
But I got really great news last Thursday and I realized that what I had prayed for happened: I got rid of stupid people and now I have more time for me.
So for many days this friend of mine, Sandy, has told me many stories about deer, deer hunting season now, deer died by car crashes and lay down on the front lawn of the houses and roads…. I didn’t take it out of my mind.
This work is what I feel , I am happy about it. I really am. It is a good and faithful part of me. I think I got , I was able to reach something my last works couldn’t give me.
I must to focus on this now and do not allow it to escape, I know I can go deeper.
Hope you have enjoyed.
Ahhh.. yes, tell me , which one do you prefer? the picture on wooden board or on the wall?
I think this work in special doesn’t get very well over the wood because of the colors, But I am thinking about to take photos of my next works upon the wood.
Oh yes… it isn’t a Caio’s post if I don’t complain about the quality of the photo that frustrates me a lot.
Washed and cleaned. This is how I fell and am.
Again a fast painting. I am painting faster and it is as raw as always was.
hummm, what else ? ah , I have listened a lot the Dinosaur Jr albums: Bug and Green Mind. From times to times I like to get into these albums again. But I don’t think it has affected my work recently.
I have prepared really great diners, I must to say. It hasn’t affected my work neither. Or at least I think it hasn’t. Who knows ?
well… I am passing by important internal modifications and working to improve myself. This is the only thing that has really had an influence on my work.
Washed and Cleaned is about this.
The term Washed and Cleaned is for the initiated ones. I hope you know what I am talking about, even because I believe that have been clear.
this is it, see you.
Hallo beloved Welters.
Now you can breath calmly, I am back, yes yes, Der Welter Konig is back to bring love and security, the world is making sense again.
After one month not painting, as I told it would happen, I woke up today and was able to start and finish this work before noon !!
As a matter of fact, since last week I used to wake up every morning, get into the studio, face the canvasses already prepared earlier, face the pots of paint, brushes….. my face on the mirror ( the model )…. and didn’t have courage to start. I just stared the supplies for many minutes, standing in front of it, sometimes two or three hours. Nothing. I had so much to give but didn’t feel able to let it out. Not because I liked what I had , well… I didn’t like or disliked, but because I knew it would be painful.
Today I got courage and started very early in the morning.
I am happy to have stopped to paint one month ago. One thing that was bothering me a lot was how I was building my work. You may say it was free with unexpected solutions… it was, but not enough… I was feeling imprisoned by the method it was demanding from me. The work started to become too “built” and well done.
I needed to go back to my real essence in painting…. I needed to loose all the proportions again, I needed to make the pictorial values, the little spots and simple plots take the main place again, to make the expression by painting become stronger than any idea that could come from it.
This is it, this work is pretty much what I intended. It was simple , fast , passionate, easy, and the painting express what must to be expressed, as simple as that. As simple my work must to be.
What I painted today is the almost blank head above. I chose that angle of my head for no specific reason…………. I wanted feeling of movement and wanted to paint a different angle. Two eyes, two ears, I am a common man and paint common heads. Only painted in different angles because is very annoying to stand in front of the mirror with your head all twisted. It is better to change from times to times…who spends many minutes or hours in the same position anyway? It isn’t natural.
The head below was painted in 2008 and few months ago I cut it in many pieces. you can see how it was here : http://meinwelt-22.blogspot.com.br/2009/05/2008-by-caio-fernandes_777.html
It is the portrait of a girl I will always love.
When I finished the painting today this piece just fell from the closet where I don’t know why was still been kept as it was supposed to be in the garbage. But I felt like to include on the new painting. It was perfect because I spent the entire time painting and thinking about women I had in my life. It happens that last week a woman asked me about my past relationships, she is interested for reasons I pretend that don’t understand, I didn’t say nothing, but this morning here in my studio I started to think about a couple of the women that passed by my life. I realized that I am still in love with all then, I do love all the women I met, I am still fascinated by then and their very personal nature. Even the ones that were very annoying and drove me crazy, or as most part of then that tried to kill me after knowing me better… I have no hard feelings, I do love then and I discovered that one very secret part of me wants to have at least one children with each one of then.
I use to say to myself that I love pussy but hate women. well… women drive me crazy but I need their soft bodies. But the truth is that I am fascinated with women, I love their gestures and voices, I love the way their minds work, I love to be among then…. I realize that for more than 10 years I haven’t had any male friend, the few friend I have are women, all ages, elder, teenager, young adults.
They made me get traumatized for most part of my life. For many different reasons and ways.
First, when I was a child and teenager all female, from children to adult, used to say I was ugly. I grew up with this complex believing I was very repulsive. Even my mother told me that didn’t know how a such ugly thing came out from her. The way they used to treat me was, and still is, revolting all the time I remember. I discovered that many girls and even the mothers of my friends had some crush on me but would never confess in public. Why ? I was really discriminated for the way I looked and it forced me to take decisions that ruined my life as I had too low self-worth.
Then I went to study Psychology in college, I was one of the very few males studding it, the others were mostly gays, for any man it can look like a great opportunity to get attention of women being surrounded by then all the time… but it was a hell, I started to believe that in a world ruled by women would only exist intrigue, jealousy, hate, and nobody would do anything constructive, only destroy what others had done. Yes, these were the psychology students.
Then when I got a bit older, near 30′s, women started to throw themselves on me. I became hot and irresistible, hahah. I am the kind of man that only gets better with age . But I had all these feeling anti-women repressed on me. I couldn’t trust any woman and couldn’t believe they really liked me now.
Isn’t any surprise the fact all the time I got a woman instantly made her fall in love with me, when she was really happy and confident about our relationship I broke up with her, not in a simple way, I used to make her life a real emotional hell. The pharmaceutical industry should give me a award for all the women I made start to take medicine.unders serious prescription. It is like I was trying to make her feel all I felt my entire life being rejected and treated like less than shit.
I didn’t realize that was doing this. I didn’t realize it was revenge for all the years of pain and humiliation. It was pretty much like: Now they desire me and fight for me, now they are going to die. All women, all ages. The hot gentleman with a nice smile here is going to seduce you and triturate your soul.
Today, painting this, it all came up to my mind, they aren’t exactly brand new thoughts, I had realized it all a couple of years ago…. but I feel that today I got in peace with all the ones of the opposite genre, with my life, with myself and last week I got in total piece with God what I believe that opened this door for forgiveness and love. I feel free and released.
A such simple work, so small and fast to be made.
And the girl there staring the viewer, how can someone do not love her ?
So, Caio, does it mean that now you are a handsome man with money and ready to love for real ? NO NO NO NO NO !!! wait A MINUTE. Calm down pussies. I am still a Latino, it means I forgive you all bitches but leave my way.