Hi everyone . I am Melissa Ekberg Fernandes . The Caio Fernandes’s daughter and new manager of Mein Welt . Well…. this is a really long story . What happened is that yesterday Caio finished his time machine and went finaly to visit Anita Ekberg , my mother . They got completely in loved at first sight , got married and had 19 kids . I am the youngest one , i was bourned in 1975 , same year than my father , isn’t this incredible ? I am his favorite by the way .
Caio Fernandes passed away in 1998 . he was a beloved husband , father , and as you have read on the books and news , he got world famous and considered one of the greatests genious of the Humanity as the artist that made the series of Anita Ekberg pregnant . In sculptures photographys and paintings . More than 10.000 works that are , most part , at the Caio Fernandes Museum , one of the most visited Museuns of the world today .
And as the 5 times winner of the Academy Awards ( vulgar Oscar ) 2 times as best actor , 1 time as best writer and 2 times as best director .
Winner of the Nobel of Literature , AND the composer that sold more than 100 milions of albuns in his carrier .
His last wish was told exclusively to me . In 1998 on his castle at North Pole he asked me a weird thing and made me promisse i would complete the mission . Delivering an envelop asked me for just open at May 7th of 2010 . He explained me that i had to “post!” the images and text kept in this on a “blog” he had . I didn’t even know what he was talking about . what is a blog ? i asked . He told me that i would know . He said that the name of it was Mein Welt , what wasn’t weird as his castle and Museun has the name of Unser Welt . He gave me a password on a piece of paper .
He asked me for managing this blog for him too . What i intend to do with all the pleasure .
so here comes his last wish and last authentic post :
Hi today i am going to explain howis the personal higiene routine of a poor artist in a 3rd world country .
i am not proud of this , but maybe with few examples i can convince the kids to do not go to college study art , but something for real . artist life isn’t easy . is one humiliation after other and at the end you get nothing .
today is friday and as a human being i deserve to go out at night . but i want to be clean and smeling good as all the others around me that have adecent job , carrier and money for taking care of thenselfs .
all starts early in the morning with my matinal poo . see the first picture . what happens is that no way in hell i have money for buying luxuries as toilet paper . so every morning while i struggle hard on toilet i look throught the window for see if my neighbor have left his house already for go to work . ( till few months ago i thought that the name of toilet in english was “toyland ” . i didn’t understand why englishs and americans thought this object so fun , but it is another culture , i tried to do not criticize ) .
what happens is that on his backyard he has a wonderful hose . so my policy about is : why should i buy toilet paper if my neighbor has a hose ? i don’t even spend money with the bill of water .
so i use a hat and sun glasses for the other neigbors , if sundely look by their windows do not recognise me , then i atack his backyard and clean myself . the water jet is very eficient , cleans really deep . i don’t change this for any toilet or toyland paper of this world .
when the neighbor doesn’t leave home , i use Mind , my cat . she is very soft and do a great job . don’t worry , she is self cleaning . i only regret that day i had diarrhea . poor girl , worked so much trying to clen herself that almost died . all my neighbor’s fault , that didn’t go to work that day .
other problem is that i don’t have money for deodorant . so i have this routine , every friday afternoon i visit one of my female friends . well … for 2 reasons as a matter of fact . first because girls always have food in the fridge , most part of time sweets but that is ok . if i can eat for free
i don’t complain . then because there is that moment when i ask if i can use the bathroom . there i look for the absorbent pad , or whatever is the name
i can use this on my armpit for hours , is very eficient . the problem is that i have to change it fron times to times , i have to get many of then . sad stealing fron friends as i was a crack adicted , but if they love me , they will understand . one day i will pay it all back , i promisse . i have here a lottery ticket , i am feeling that THIS time i am going to win .
the good part of go to a night club with an absorbent under the arm is that when you’re with a girl , hugging ,kissing ,messing around and she feels it , she always asks ( women are too curious ) : “what is this under your armpit ?” – “oh , this is my gun ,baby ” – “wow ! are you a gangsta ?” – ” well , i hurt some people sometimes for make living ” . women love this stuff , they get crazy . on bed when we a taking out our cloths and she sees that it is an absorbent she can’t complain , if she does you just say :” shut up ! you’re using a bra that makes your boobs look 3 sizes bigger and come to complain about my absorvent !
well , exist many other tricks about the personal higiene routine of a poor artist that i am not going to show because would be too choking for you and humiliating for me . So kids , don’t wish to be artists . go to study something that can help you making money .
but if you want to know if this method works , see the BEFORE -AFTER pictures of me about the process of personal higiene and make your own conclusion .
THIS IS IT . Caio had a hard life but after have traveled on time and met my mother Anita everything got just perfect .
I hope you have enjoyed this post as it was his last wish , i am sure he is there in Heaven now looking down very proud of this and loving all you as he always apreciated your suport and friendship at the hardests and darkests times .
I do hope too that you have liked me as i am going to manage Mein Welt now as he asked me for posting his late and unknow works of painting ,