An angry mess?
You bet it is.
Incredible, this morning I woke up a bit lazy but happy for having a time to paint. I spent the whole earlier night at the studio only thinking and was exited for the morning light and start to paint.
I believe that in less than 5 minutes painting my mood got totally twisted and I lost my patience with every single detail. There was a moment that I said: ” I hate this painting , it has been 4 hours that I am working on it and nothing happens”. Then I realized that I was painting for only 45 minutes. hahah!
Well…. after one hour the painting was too well done , I mean, so illustrative and polite that didn’t have its own life and didn’t seen that would get better. So I started to erase everything and cut. This is it . Done and fuck off.
well… now I even like the final result.
I thing that more than any kind of meditation , yoga or anything else, painting is the biggest and hardest lesson of patience and perseverance. My best works happened when I was working hard on it and nothing was right…. so I tried harder and after hours made that hell become a really good painting. I belive that most part of people that says that aren’t good painter is because they just give up too easily.
Then exists that cheap excuse : Painting isn’t a good media for modern life because we are always doing lots of things at the same time too fast and have no time for anything else”. Sure , what a lame excuse , people spends hours in front of TV or computer or playing video games but don’t have few hours to paint.
Today I was the opposite of what I believe. I really lost my patience about everything. Now doesn’t even matter if this work is good or not , only the fact it exists is already a miracle. Part of me wished to finish it because of my bad mood. Why not to be faithful to what you feel ? Simple, right ? Nothing more basic and simple than this. I would feel like an hypocrite if I said : ” You know what ? I don’t like this feeling so I am going to stop to paint and wait till I get calmer and happier”. No… this isn’t me. hahahah!
Have a nice weekend everyone !


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