|…so these many ways to deal with myself by different angles and ……..
and all these things passing by my mind, ideas, and arguing with possibilities that didn’t even start to exist.
It is all flesh and getting rid of it is a promise of internal freedom. to get rid of flesh is a way to get rid of yourself and the world that raised you . I mean… people say ” I am faithful to myself, I have my own personality and my own way to deal with things”. It is an illusion, you are only a poor effect of what the world did with you since you were inside you mother’s uterus. Being faithful to yourself? Yourself doesn’t even exist. All the real existence is found when you deny yourself and stop to do what the fleshy world conditioned tells you to do.
I think like that, I like these things, I feel this, I am like that, I am this…. no you’re not. What you call you doesn’t even exist, is a lie, a disposable invention of the shallowest dimension of this world.
Real existence is so far from ego….
But I don’t see that it is necessary to get free from individuality to be able to get rid of ego… one thing is completely different of the other… different natures and origins.
I don’t know, I am only painting my painting.
So today I worked my head in slices and different angles and positions. Sometimes when I paint my work gets very fussy, I pay attention on minimum details till I think it is expressing the strongest way possible… expressing what? I never know for sure. This work may look abstract for an untrained eye but is very figurative, I made all this by observation and I took care of so many details… it is a very fussy work ( I like this word “fussy”, I learned it now looking at the dictionary, English language has some cute words, this is one of then ). I didn’t know what I was doing …. only doing it till reach a level of intensity that could make all my thoughts shut up.
I think it is beautiful….
My head + face in 6 different angles ( only for your pleasure, baby ).
Lately I have listened too much instrumental classic music, mainly Mozart, and sonic youth albums, specially daydream nation from 1988. It has been more than 20 years I listen this album and I am so annoyed with all the vocals… not even talking about the lyrics… I Liked it on the first 15 years listening, now it makes no sense, is just ridiculous … but the instrumental part is so beautiful, all the noises and distortions, guitars and drums… perfect. So I have only focused on this. I think that listening Mozart and sonic youth has affected my work in the studio. This work is maybe telling me that, among other things.
More and more I have thought too about spiritual developing and the contrast it has with the world, culture, psychism and the myth of personality. You know it is basically all my work is about, right ? But I spend hours everyday only thinking about these things and I can never talk about.
Wellllll… God bless you 😀 have a great new week ahead.