It is a battle, struggle, struggle and good songs. Caio Fern, 2012, acrylicS on canvas


 

Do I need to say I am upset with the photo taken ? This painting works so well on my wall.
It was painted yesterday and finished late of night. So I decided to wait for the day light to see it better and take a picture for blogging.
The first part of the painting, the head on the left, took me 2 hours to get done. Incredible, for one hour and 40 minutes it didn’t work at all, then, all of sudden, it all started to fit. Painting is just like that. Before all was yellow, then all was grey, then all was in a color that absolute doesn’t exist on the raimbow.hahah. Absolute any brush stoke was able to work or matched… ahhhhh… that hell. An in one second after lots of trying, it all starts to fit, as by miracle.
All the rest of the painting gave me even more trouble. 6 hours doing all the rest. Can you believe it ?
I used three different brands of acrylic painting on that. First the two faces were made with the best and more expensive, the two necks below with a blend of the first with a white cheaper one I have here, but good too. The Third is that head in the middle of the neck, it was made with a different kind of acrylic paint.

I love the expression on this work, it is sad, it is as swallowing the cry, silent, internal struggles. This is the painting I should be doing.

Sometimes people say that wish could paint like me. Don’t say that !!! Wish to be good. hahahah. But I am serious.
I do know God gave me a talent much above the avarage people for self expression, but I don’t consider myself a natural painter, I call me painter because this is what I do. I can be excellent in any area of art, music , literature, acting, move directing. This is what I am and my personal nature. On the other hand, I am a bad driver, I suck about math,…..  and I don’t use to treat women very well because they always hate in the end and try to kill me, nature finds ways to compensate the individuals. hahaha.
But about painting the truth is that I am blessed and I am a trooper, very diligent. And this is what painting demands in the end. This is the painting’s nature.
See, in my life I met a couple of painters and even became personal friends in the past, they were very very skilled, they were natural talent for painting, real virtuosos. They still are because they must to be alive somewhere. They were able to know and execute all the masterful solutions you can imagine for a great work, and it all made in a way that seemed so easy. It was easy to then. Wonderful. But … well…. their works weren’t very good, or interesting, or had no feelings about, didn’t express anything else but painting.
Painting demands this torture of painting over and over again, try again, don’t give up, when you feel like to quit try even more….. you know, battle, struggle, punches, curses, deaths…. things must to painfully die if you want to see a real painting to come up and born. I don’t know why, this is just like that.
When I turn to History and face the great masters I remember, sure , of my favorite, Rembrandt. He was Highly virtuoso since very very young and had knowledge enough. His works were always masterful. But his best painting , in my opinion, happened when the works showed a struggle that went beyond his knowledge and skills. I could really see the battle of the individuals with itself and the paint by the brush strokes. Eloquence comes with hard work and not a derivative ” nice” or “crazy” lazy idea-concept. This is what the painting demands… So or you obey and work hard to make it happens… or you can follow the current trends over there and be glad for the stupid people it will attract driving cars, doing math and the annoying women………. going to nowhere. hahaha.

More and more my reference are on music and not on visual art. All my works have made me feel the kind of songs from Seattle  recorded by the labels K Records and Sub Pop during the late 80’s and very beginning of 90’s.
And I sit on my couch looking to the paintings after they are finished, starving, and looking to the work, I think it beautiful because makes me remember of songs. I paint what I see, the way I listen.

Oh yes, when I finished painting it came to my mind : Contemporary art dogmas – Why we learn that is so forbidden to express feelings ? Why it must to be all about conceptual and aesthetical lame excuses ?
Fuck off.  I prove the entire world is wrong. As always.

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