When asked this Sunday if I was producing or preparing something new, my answer could only be “no, I’ve done nothing, I haven’t gotten into the studio for two months”.
As a matter of fact I come to the studio everyday… the weather is getting hotter and it is fresh here inside where I drink my large mass full of ice cubes and red tea, green tea, white tea, organic grape juice, red green rose, and organic apple juice. When I am not here I am in the kitchen inventing new recipes of my typical Welter culinary. One day I will name all the new dishes I have created and post the recipes here on my blogs, maybe even produce a very affected and pretty culinary book with nice colorful and shine photos. I would love it. Hope you like sauerkraut, apples, mustards and spinach ….almost all I cook has these ingredients . hahaha.
I am in the best phase, it happens from times to times. I go to the studio and don’t even remember that exists art on this planet. I just don’t care, I make plans about totally different things. I dream with new projects and new destinies for my life. I think it is the way I renew myself.
Well.. I am changing everything, not just culinary but clothes, I changed all my closet for new pieces, I am pretty fancy now, I must to say, hahaha, I changed my documents , yes , I renewed all the documents that matter, including the most important one, the passport.
I changed clients, I changed my posture towards people. And other uncountable things.
My experience of over one decade painting and producing other art stuff tells me my work soon or latter will follow it, I just don’t know how. The fact is, like you or not, my work follows my life and not the other way around.
I remember exactly 10 years ago, 2002, I was very upset with my work, it got complex, sophisticated in many ways, and really looked something you could put in an art gallery. It was… oh… even today I am disgusted to say this….. it was becoming professional.
So after December I stopped to paint and spent one year or so not doing anything. This was when this Mein Welt stuff was born, it had been cooked in my mind for my entire life but it had never taken form or not even become totally conscious of itself or nature.
But when I started back to paint the only things I wanted to do were pieces that looked very amateur and homemade handcraft with motives little girls, flowers, dogs. Anything you would never see in an art gallery or an art critic talking about. Anything that looked conventional, but so conventional that would be disturbing for everyone. You can read more about that period here : http://www.blurb.com/books/1419178
Today I haven’t very different intentions but it is directed towards different targets. My life has changed these past 10 years and it demands searches that weren’t expected by me in a not so long time ago.
The true is that some ideas and ways have pumped in my head but I don’t know how to start. Painting is demanding things I didn’t realize yet. I don’t know if when I start to paint again it will be different of what I was doing few weeks ago before this pause because the intentions of my chest have not appeared to my eyes yet. So I believe the changes that are demanded to happen will come up only after hard work and slow developing, and not like ” oh, I have an idea about this concept and will make this happen”.
No real Ideas and any concept here, thank God for this. At least all my gestures, happening or not, are sincere and emotional, not cerebral, conceptual and liars.
But there is another reason for the fact I haven’t produced. As I said before, I am really not caring about art at all. And it is so good. From times to times, a life with no art ( or, our formal idea of it ) sounds and tastes like freedom to me. It is like all that weight is gone and I can just live because I don’t need it. Anything any person can tell me about art sounds so far away and irrelevant.
It is really good when life becomes bigger and more important than art, it is like having all the values on the right place.
So why would I hurry up to have all that anxiety and all my attention towards that again?
Sure, if I am concerned about turn on my lap top and spend these valuable minutes about this… is because something inside me is telling to start to pay attention on it and maybe… maybe even to start to produce.
Part of me says : “Oh no… no no no, please. I don’t want this. I am still day dreaming about a lovely life somewhere far from here and the dreams are still so fresh. I am still looking for sites of German Shepherds, bucolic architecture and flirting with beautiful women of my everyday life. I am still hungry for new recipes of food and new tastes… I didn’t even develop the desserts yet. I am saving money for traveling and be a silly tourist at the other side of the world….. no… please. Don’t make me go back to that life of paint, canvasses and anxiety. I really, really want to live a little bit more”.
Other part says : ” I want that feeling of finishing a good work”. I want that feeling that says my place on the Earth has an specific meaning”.
So maybe… maybe, see you soon with paintings.
I am really not caring about art at this moment.
Well…. I can’t avoid this subject.
The fact is that , again, in my life , I am passing by a moment of very intense spiritual searches and achievement,.. most part of my activities are turned to it. While the world is talking about the new iphone, elections or some crap like that I am walking towards new levels of existence and this is what is really transforming my life. This is what is generating all the changes.
The truth is that since children we are taught that art has the power to transform. Well… I believe it is a very materialistic way to see life and the Human Being. To me art is effect, not a cause . It can faithfully express and influences people but doesn’t generate anything by itself. When civilization starts to believe art is the reason of things to be and art is the source of what you are and what your life has been, as it happens today, we have, well… this pathetic world of shallow aesthetical with poor meaning where cynic aesthetical is an excuse for itself made by sad pathetic people and collected in many different ways by a desperate, high vanity and low self esteem public.
I don’t want to be part of any of this process and believe system.
I have my issues with art and it has given me for many times what I needed at the moment. It has helped me to build myself and my way to be in this world. I am aware of it and even grateful for have had this in my life with so much intensity. As viewer and as producer.
But when you are digging inside yourself and into other dimensions of existence, when you are wondering about things with no name that are at the core of all experience and states of mind…. and then you look to art of all times…. as it happens to me, I say : “Is this it? So is this all art can reach? And what about the rest? The infinite eternal rest?” .
What only proves to me art is fantastic, is fierce and beautiful, but is an manifestation of this world, this matter, this limited and temporal reality. There is nothing wrong with it, it is fantastic, but is pretty disappointing when you have paid attention to characteristics of existence that have been so far and at the same time so intimate, much more than art can be.
I believe it helps to make a bit clear why I am not painting, not minding to art. But I am feeling that will start to paint soon.
don’t forget, if you want to see my paintings visit http://www.silentspots.blogspot.com.br/
I just found that photo on internet, it wasn’t taken by me. I only added because I wanted an image for this post,,,, but I haven’t produced any latelly.
But is it here now http://pinterest.com/caiofern/ on my Pinterest.