Caio Fern, 2012, acrylic on canvas.

Yesterday I prepared the canvasses to start to work this morning.
I don’t know what it is happening with my internal watch, but I know I like this mess…. I woke up at 4:00 am and realized that wouldn’t sleep anymore. I am worried with nothing, not stressed, I am only affected by the heat. It has been really hot here.
One good thing is the fact I started to work out at 4:30 and only stopped at 6:00 to take a shower. At 6:30 I was already painting.
It is a good trick for me. I am too anxious to finish a painting, it isn’t a huge pleasure in my life, makes get tense and not comfortable at all…. but after to work out and a nice hot shower the muscles literally melt in exhaustion when I sit to paint. I don’t feel like to lift one finger and it helps me to only focus on the painting as I don’t want to do anything else or go to anywhere.
I put all my body over itself in front of the canvasses and only my eyes work… and my hand.
Almost all the anxiety leaves my mind, I am so exhausted that I don’t care for nothing. It becomes a more spiritual activity, the body and its chemistry isn’t among eyes , feelings, targets, and the painting itself.
This isn’t the very first time I use this trick and I intend to do it many other times.
The problem is that I like to paint early in the morning, the light is prettier and more crystal, the air is fresher and the street is more silent. It is hard to find a way to wake up very early every day, do heavy physical exercises and than start to paint.

Before to start to work I went to studio and saw the canvasses prepared and all the plans I had for it. Fine. In the shower I realized that my initial idea wouldn’t work very well… as a matter of fact would, but there is a painting I did something like 4 or 5 months ago and this new one would look too much like that one.
So I went to the studio with no idea of what I would paint or how.
It was good, allowed me to improvise and find the work’s own nature and reason to exist.  42 december, 2012


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