All the arrogance of my hands – by Caio Fern.


 

One more hot shower in a cold day and I will be done before to face the tea and the drizzle out there. 

The dogs stink and my house has a light aroma of  Dijon Mustard, Einsbein and feet. The grey light coming through the not so opened window makes it perfect. 
It is all the same over the dark brow furniture and that is what I fought so much for. Have my prayers been answered already? 

If should I ride the bike with my rain coat or take the subway with my umbrella, if should I stay home pretending I am doing something useful or dig myself under the blanket…..only the extension of my chest will be able to say. 

So…. if I looked for that specific kind of warm golden skin and breasts was because I only wanted protection while pretended I was the Alfa Male of the situation. She was supposed to worthship me in a cozy presence while I hold her in my arms saying everything would be fine as it was all I wanted so much to hear my entire life. 

Oh yes yes yes my dear, I know more than every one could……  let’s not forget how blessed I am for have been so cursed and never, never whisper or murmur again. One day the sea will be opened and all the difference will be made. I know the promises and  I know my wishes, and… I know very well what I am capable to do, you don’t have to repeat it all over again. Haven’t I kept myself faithful to all this?

All the arrogance of my hands and smiles come from my humble nature, see, it is very naive if you look into my eyes at least once. 
In the shower I realized that only exist three kinds of women in this world : 
 – The ones who throw themselves on me.  
 – The ones who masturbate thinking of me.  
 – And the ones who masturbate thinking about me and then throw themselves on me.  
Yeah, I know I am handsome.

 

When I woke up this morning I felt like a grey bubble filled with all the traumas and negativity of my life was been taking out of my body and soul for good. Then I fell asleep again. Then I woke up almost noon. Then I noticed it was drizzling. Then the aquarium fishes needed to be fed. Then I felt cold and dirt. Then I forgot all I was supposed to do in my life. Then I was free. Then I remembered all my life was supposed to be and isn’t. Then I was miserable again. 

It is so peaceful to be a failure in flesh holding a hot mug in the cold afternoon while all the success out there in the world struggles so hard to keep their miserable prosperity. 
Let me just sit here in front of my bike leaned against the wall while the harry red dog lies on my feet  working on his new bone. I quit the world again, I am free for today.

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